Monday, December 20, 2010
Unit 6
The universal loving-kindness exercise was not so effective for me as the others have been. I think I feel like this right now because I am fighting a battle with in myself. I have always tried to help and be concerned for everyone else that I have completely neglected myself. I have seen myself change the past years that I did not realize till now. I think right now I need to be able to help myself before I can help someone else out, which is very hard for me to do. I have put a lot of my emotional struggles aside and usually try to cover that up by helping others with their struggles. I have been doing this for so long that it has finally caught up with to the point that it has physically and emotionally affected me. I want nothing more than to stop everyone from suffering but at some point I have to want that for myself as well. I'm ready to move forward and not let my burdens keep me down or let me live the life that I should be. I have so much pain and hurt in my heart from years of sexual and physical abuse from my father and verbal abuse from my family as a child and it seems like it has lingered and still weighs me down. I can't change the way they feel about me but I can change the way I feel about myself. I have gone through struggle after struggle and find ways to occupy myself rather than dealing with the issue when it appears. I think that for me right now, I am going to swallow my pride and ask for help and seek medical treatment. I have always been the strong person and it's very hard for me to ask for help when I need it. I would like nothing more than to find health, happiness, and wholeness. With that being said, it was extremely hard for me to write this blog but I feel like I am taking a step and feel a little bit better.
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Hi Luna,
ReplyDeleteI also found this exercise to be less effective than others we have tried. As I read your post, it sounded just like me. I have always put other first and enjoy helping others; it makes me feel better and I enjoy see the joy on someone face. I an very independent and a strong person but for over 40 years I have kept my emotions and feelings inside so not to worry or upset others. Just recently, probably the last couple years, I have learned to put myself first. I realized that in order to truly help others, in the way I want, I needed to help myself first; although a struggle at times, it has been very rewarding.
I found the other ones to be more effective.I am just like you and that I have always put others first before myself. I have been learning ways in which I can take more time to think about me and still do for others without being selfish. I love to give I feel good about helping someone. It gives me confidence and reminds me that I am a good person inspite of what people may say about me. I also believe in karma.. what goes around comes around. This has been a rough year for me so I have done some self exploration and figuring out what I need to fix in my life.
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