Unit 6

The universal loving-kindness exercise was not so effective for me as the others have been. I think I feel like this right now because I am fighting a battle with in myself. I have always tried to help and be concerned for everyone else that I have completely neglected myself. I have seen myself change the past years that I did not realize till now. I think right now I need to be able to help myself before I can help someone else out, which is very hard for me to do. I have put a lot of my emotional struggles aside and usually try to cover that up by helping others with their struggles. I have been doing this for so long that it has finally caught up with to the point that it has physically and emotionally affected me. I want nothing more than to stop everyone from suffering but at some point I have to want that for myself as well. I'm ready to move forward and not let my burdens keep me down or let me live the life that I should be. I have so much pain and hurt in my heart from years of sexual and physical abuse from my father and verbal abuse from my family as a child and it seems like it has lingered and still weighs me down. I can't change the way they feel about me but I can change the way I feel about myself. I have gone through struggle after struggle and find ways to occupy myself rather than dealing with the issue when it appears. I think that for me right now, I am going to swallow my pride and ask for help and seek medical treatment. I have always been the strong person and it's very hard for me to ask for help when I need it. I would like nothing more than to find health, happiness, and wholeness. With that being said, it was extremely hard for me to write this blog but I feel like I am taking a step and feel a little bit better.

Unit 5

The loving kindness exercise is a lot different than the subtle mind exercise. In the loving kindness exercise you do not focus on yourself but rather focus on others. This is very easy for me because I see myself as a compassionate person. I will help others even when I know I really shouldn't. I am a true believer of the quote "do unto others as you would have others do unto you". For me being a mom is the best thing that has happened to me. I may forget or not do things for myself so that my son can have. It's something that has always come naturally to me. I have always been a care taker from the time I became a big sister, helping my mom with all my younger siblings. For instance, my sister is not a mom. She focuses on herself a little more than most people do but as for me I focus on my child. I try to teach him to be a good person and do what is right in hope that he will grow up to be a positive role model for his children one day and teach them the same things.
The subtle mind exercise was somewhat harder for me to really get a grasp on. I think this is something I will have to work on because my mind was jumping from one thing to another and any movement or noise I heard would distract me. This exercise is designed to "cultivate wisdom by taming and training our mind, accessing its deeper levels, and exploring the essential nature of mind and experience (Dacher (2006) pp.65." When this exercise is achieved, you go into a different level of consciousness and the end result is calm-abiding.

Spiritual wellness is connected to both mental and physical wellness. I think they all coincide with each other and when one is off, it causes the others to be off as well. They work as one to make a person whole. I personally believe that you don't have to be religious to be spiritual. I don't go to church as often as I would like but I do know who and what I believe in. As I get older I seem to be more spiritual. I try to keep a positive attitude especially when faced with difficult circumstances and also work on my physical wellness as well such as eating and exercising. Ultimately, I think spirituality is the last thing that is focused on.

Unit 4

For some reason this time I was overwhelmed with so much emotion. The person I chose to bring to mind in the first part of the exercise is my son Gabriel. I just think of how much I love him and when I look at him he gives me a feeling I have for no other person in this world and warms my heart up. I feel as though as long as I have him I know I will be alright.

The person that I visualized who is suffering right now is my mother. At this point I was in tears because my mom has so many health problems and it's one after the other with her. When I went to visit her in Texas for Thanksgiving I could tell that she was so glad that we were there. Even though I have two other sisters that live near her, one within walking distance and the other 15-20min away. It makes very upset that they do that. I'm always thinking of ways on how I can help her or what I can do to ease her troubles.

For the strangers, I thought of my two workers, even though we are friends. One is grieving the loss of her 11 year old son that was killed in a horse riding accident and the other who's husband left her after only being married for a couple of months.

I was always taught never to hate anyone and that it is such a harsh word, I can say that there are probably two people that I have ever hated in my life because they caused so much tragedy in my life. As time has gone on I have learned how to forgive them however, because of the person I am I will never forget.

I think that doing this exercise was quite beneficial for me because it made sit down and think and let out every emotion that I have and after wards felt at ease and weight lifted off of me. I would definitely recommend this to others because if your anything like me who likes to hold in emotions and somewhat would rather just not think about the situation, this is a great exercise to do!